This Product Requires Assembly

Here we are in December yet again and Christmas is on our doorstep and it only seems like a year since the last one, the shops have been fully stocked with all those Christmas goodies, toys and games for the last four months and Santa Claus is warming up his sleigh ready for the big push.

You may sense a slight tone of scepticism in my words but don't get me wrong I love Christmas (just wish it wasn't every year) but there are four terrifying words that strike fear into me on the big day at this festive time of year.

This Product Requires Assembly!

Thankfully all of the electronic games machines like the well-known Playbox and Xstation (yes I am well up on all modern techie games machine stuff) come fully assembled with zero construction needed, these are the type of presents that I insist Santa delivers down my chimney.

Sadly I have no control over the likes of auntie Mabel, cousin Gertrude and that strange family from up North that we never speak about as they send down mountains of presents for the kids all containing those immortal words This Product Requires Assembly!

Christmas Day is spent trying to interpret instructions written by somebody from the planet Zorb and me working with the “free tools supplied” that are as flimsy as a paperclip and require the skills of a fully qualified neurosurgeon while the kids scream in my ear “is it done yet dad” followed by Wow look what auntie Mabel got me, I glance up at the large partially unwrapped box and spot the words “5000 pieces - requires assembly” Oh the joys of Christmas day but I am over the moon that I will probably get socks, jumpers and all manner of clothes that either won’t fit or I  may never wear for the simple reason that I won’t have to assemble them.

I have decided next year I will be doing things differently, I will be getting everybody Meccano sets then I can sit back and watch and if anybody asks me for help I will just say, “sorry, its educational you must build it yourself”

Oh how I look back with fondness at the days when the children were so small that they were happy to play with the box and forget about its contents until I had chance to down the odd beer or three to help my brain un-scramble its fearful contents.

So I wish you all out there in cyber space a very merry but more importantly a 100% construction free Christmas. It’s just a shame that I won’t get to see auntie Mabel’s face this year as she nears completion of the 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle I got her that I accidently took two pieces out of!


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